Caught most of the Mets/Nats matchup earlier today. Mets needed a big win.
How'd I miss this?
Okay, you guys requested this meeting to vent some frustrations with Bobby Valentine. Let's hear it.
First, just one thing we should mention — as men of means, we enjoy fine wines. And it just so happens that me and John had several bottles of a '61 Bordeaux the day we decided to hire Bobby. So, yeah. Our apologies if we messed up. Lesson learned. We won't make future hires while drunk.
Right. I'm with him on that. Now let's hear what you have to say. Adrian, you texted me to schedule this. You start.
Okay. Yeah, I mainly hate everything about Bobby – his personality, his style of managing, and especially his stupid face. I don't know a better way to put it.
Got it. I can't really disagree with anything you said. Let's keep it going around the table. Jon?
I hate Bobby because he kept me in too long when I didn't have my best stuff and I got lit up.
Are you talking about that April game when you gave up seven runs in two innings?
No, not that one.
The May game when you gave up seven runs in four innnings?
No, not that one either.
The game last week when you gave up six runs in four innings?
No, no. The one a few days ago when I gave up 11 runs in four innings.
Oh, okay. Just wanted to make sure we have all the specifics.
I mean, ideally I'd have him not pitch me more than one inning per start because everything usually goes to hell after that for me this season. But the 11-run game I had was the worst example of Bobby being bad.
Got it. David?
I think our clubhouse is toxic. I'm just tired of dealing with the drama. It's not fun to play here anymore. There's too much pressure. I'm tired of it all.
I appreciate your candor. I would suggest, however, that you not complain too much publicly. I'm not sure the fans would like hearing a guy who gets paid $14 million to do nothing but swing a bat a few times a day complain about how hard he has it.
Okay, but what if I explain how hard it is on me to produce without the benefit of steroids?
No. I wouldn't advise that.
It's still the truth.
Can I finally talk? I've got a tee time in 45 minutes.
Sure thing, Josh.
Who calls a team meeting and doesn't get it catered? I'm starving.
Is that all you have?
I have two points. One, I think Bobby Valentine is a terrible manager and should be fired immediately. My second point, and this is the most important one, so please everyone listen up: I was not at this meeting, okay? If anyone plans to leak that we had this meeting, please don't say that I was here. I have a reputation of being a scrappy, hard-nosed guy who just plays the game. Me being involved in going behind my manager's back to ownership wouldn't look good. So again: I wasn't here. And also that stuff about Bobby being terrible.
You weren't here. Fine. Now our last attendee. I'm sorry, I don't recognize you.
I am Vobby Balentine. I'm a backup.
You look like Bobby Valentine in sunglasses and a fake mustache.
Well, what are your thoughts on Bobby?
I, Vobby Balentine, think Bobby Valentine is the best manager ever and should keep his job forever.
That's all I need to hear. I think backup players are the heart and soul of a baseball team. Like little Pedroias, but not backstabbers.
I agree with you. Bobby is keeping his job.
You guys are drunk again, aren't you?
A little bit.
There are some great wine bars in New York. Guilty as charged.
Nice, brahs. I'm drunk, too. It's nice to work for bosses I can respect.
Is this meeting over that I wasn't at?
Before you all leave, none of you guys are starting today … is what Bobby Valentine told me to tell you.
Its really amazing to have two playoff teams (Balt, DC) less than an hour away. My only issue is
I do have a few weeks of upcoming travel. I love this time of year and I am hoping to take the family to see the playoffs!
Congratulations to the SF Giants!
Not much - David Wright signed on for 8 more years with my pitiful Metropolitans (Cy Young winning RA Dickey excepted). But where else would he have gone and maintained the same sort of leverage like he has in New York?